pranksterkind | test drive the john muse

pranksterkind

[in this post, you are allowed to be amnesiac and John will just make sad/confused faces at you for a bit.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

scratched

Hey, I think the dope-lookalike contest is the next stop over. You don't want to be late, dude, I think you've got a real shot at winning it this year.

From:

pranksterkind

I'm not a dope! I look really heroic and stuff. Way cooler than any old dope in this contest.

From:

scratched

Sounds like you've got Mr. Congeniality down too, you've got the speech locked down. Seriously, you're going to be late, get a move on Dopey.

From:

pranksterkind

Hahaha, I see. Is this some ironic prank of yours, Dave? It's pretty lame compared to your other stuff.

From:

scratched

Firstly, I don't do pranks, because I'm not a 8 year old with a learning disability and a clown fetish, and secondly, who the fuck are you?

From:

pranksterkind

Oh. Right, irony. I get it. Except I can never tell when you're being serious or not. Is this ironic amnesia? Because talk about lame.

From:

scratched

Look dude, you obviously know me well enough that I gave you my real name instead of some hideous fake one, so you really think I would fake amnesia for a few shits and giggles?

From:

pranksterkind

... No. Oh god, I'd hate to think you took to acting out 50 First Dates for the hell of it.

It's me, John!

From:

scratched

[HAD A COMMENT ABOUT 50 FIRST DATES BUT--]

You're John.

From:

pranksterkind

Yep. That's me, John. We're pretty much the best of friends we can be. Does that jog your memory at all? Because otherwise I'm sure I can do things that are not nearly as desperate as Adam Sandler.

From:

scratched

Fuck you for just comparing me to Drew Barrymore first of all, and secondly, are you sure you're the John? Because, bro, I'm gonna be honest, you just seem a little below my standards. Like the letter maybe didn't scream class act, but really?

[doesn't seem all that disappointed though]

[just can't let you get an EGO about it GOD]

From:

pranksterkind

Dave, have you been seeing other Johns? I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to take this. Of course I'm John! I'm just not sure what the John means. Unless you mean, like, the toilet. Then no, no way in hell.

From:

scratched

What? No. A dude saves his John-cherry for for weeks and the instant any old possible impostor pops up and starts slinging cheating accusations his way, he's just supposed to lie down and take his word for it? I don't just accept any Moe, Dick or Harry waltzing up and claiming to be my best friend, you know. This is seriously important shit.

From:

pranksterkind

Well, then as the only person here with a fully certifiable, anmesia-less memory, you can trust me when I say I'm John!

From:

scratched

Kind of for me to decide, chumpass. How do I know you aren't just trying to woo my ass so you can kidnap me and keep me on a boat with a VCR as my only proof of who or where I am?

From:

pranksterkind

I said I wasn't Adam Sandler.

For one, I'd make you watch Ghost Buster's and Con Air.

From:

scratched

If this is blackmail, fine, I acquiesce if only to spare myself having to make a noose out of my cape out of desperation to escape that 4 hours of hell.

From:

pranksterkind

Hehehe... No, your fate is sealed because you forgot me. I don't have a choice any more. I have to prove my John-ness to you!

From:

crusthatecean

What's wrong with Drew Barrymore?

From:

scratched

Quirky, brain-challenged blonde has been done to death, that particular horse has been pulverized, bro, and single-handedly beaten back from a viscous pile into a meaty horse-shaped lump with the whipping hand of Miss Barrymore herself.

Also, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle.

From:

crusthatecean

Sometimes she's a redhead, fuckstain. And troll Drew Barrymore is neither.

Anyway, I see your Charlie's Angels and raise you The Wedding Singer. Even for a human film, you have to admit it's extremely great.

From:

scratched

By the standards of Romantic Comedy, it's not quite the post-Taco Bell shit smeared along the inside of the john with the rest of them - joke intentional, by the way - but that's like saying one anal enema went smoother than the rest. They all bend you over and shove their fat Hollywood dicks up your chute while slathering the same tired plot at you night after night, but you take it anyway because you've been conditioned by the entertainment industry to consider their mouth-breathing dribble "humor."

Also one not self-castration worthy movie does not excuse two Charlie's Angels movies, it's simple fucking math.

From:

crusthatecean

[Shaking with rage you didn't]

I wouldn't expect you to understand. Just because a movie doesn't have any Starkys or Hutches or awesome bros doing sweet half pipes back to the future or Tokyo drifting, and therefore your drooling sponge can't concentrate on it for longer than five seconds at a time, doesn't mean it doesn't have cinematic value.

Listen, asshole, if romantic comedies have similar plots it's only because they are examining the universality of longing for romantic fulfillment and the way destiny shapes the path of the lives of even the most ordinary (yet charming) protagonists. And I'm sorry the humor is too subtle for you since no one is getting kicked upside the bone bulge!

From:

scratched

You are seriously riding the crazy train to Loonyville right now if you're projecting that hard onto the Sarah Jessica Parkers and Jennifer Anistons of the multiverse. This is Houston to Vantas, no one in real life would find that quirky airquote charming end airquote shit adorable, you'd get your ass dumped for a sane, rational, totally undestined dude that doesn't put up with bullshit like that.

Anyway, you're completely missing the point. The whole point was that as much as he wishes with his tiny little boy heart, John will never be the Adam Sandler to my hot, blonde, yet amnesiac ass.