test drive the john muse

[pranksterkind]

[in this post, you are allowed to be amnesiac and John will just make sad/confused faces at you for a bit.]

Comments

[scratched]

I have the choice to just walk away now. Consider your offer carefully.

[pranksterkind]

Don't be an asshole about it. Come on, it could be fun! And it's better than a creepy movie recounting our lives together.

[scratched]

I'm being positively polite about this, I'm sparing you a torrential downpour of bile directed at those heaping turds of cinematic fuckupery and giving you the chance to backpedal into safer territory, and yet you continue to nip at the ankles of Stranger Danger like the world's dumbest terrier.

At least pick a halfway quality movie.

[pranksterkind]

Hey! I take offense to that! We're not strangers, even if you were dumb and forgot me.

And second, they're cinematically amazing. I don't know anyone that isn't moved when Nic Cage reunites with his wife and daughter at the end.

I know I cry every time!

[scratched]

You want loving reunions that'll bring you to tears? Homeward Bound. You want Nic Cage in a sweaty wifebeater? Raising Arizona. You want fucking idiotic puns and more John Malkovich than your sensitive stomach can handle? Being John Malkovich.

Except we are sure as hell not watching that last one. Ever.

[pranksterkind]

... I didn't even know you'd watched those movies.

It's like I don't even know you.

[scratched]

I don't remember much, but I do remember my loving parents, Cable and dear sweet World Wide Web.

[pranksterkind]

Okay.

Compromise time.

Armageddon. No one can resist Liv Tyler.

[scratched]

I get to riff all I want and the popcorn stays in my lap so I have majority share.

[pranksterkind]

Yes to riffing, no to the popcorn. It's time you learned to share!

[scratched]

Fine--





. . . What the hell just happened here.

[pranksterkind]

What do you mean what just happened here? We compromised! And were true to ourselves.

[scratched]

I don't even remember you apart from a shitty letter and some fucking sunglasses and I just rolled over like a goddamn golden retriever.

[pranksterkind]

I guess we're just that good of friends!

[LOOK AT THIS FACE]

[scratched]

[why is this such a dilemma]

You told me my gay butt stinks what is wrong with me?

[pranksterkind]

What isn't wrong with you?

[pause]

Just kidding!

[scratched]

Weak.

Take that shit back to Weak Town where the Anti-Weak Police are putting on their Weak Riot Gear to beat the Weak Shit out of it.

[pranksterkind]

That metaphor is totally intense.

[scratched]

The insult was that intensely bad.

[crusthatecean]

And it wasn't creepy.

They love each other, fucknuts. Their love is strong enough to overcome her amnesia. But I wouldn't expect you to understand or have even the tiniest modicum of taste.

[pranksterkind]

The movie was okay. But it was still kind of creepy.

[crusthatecean]

It's a great movie. And nothing about it is creepy. She remembered him in her dreams.

[pranksterkind]

But she has to be reminded every day! Think of the strange situation she wakes up in every morning!

[... also watching you and Dave]

[crusthatecean]

[We are having a gentleman's disagreement.]

Did you even watch it? That was the whole point of the movie, dipshit! She could have continued being lied to every day and never having to cope with her memory loss and move past it! They thought she'd be happier like that! But it turned out love was fucking worth waking up in an awkward situation every morning, who would have guessed?

You disgust me, Egbert.

[pranksterkind]

But it was way more moving when Bruce Willis chose to die on a meteor in the middle of space so that his daughter could be happy and marry the man she loves, who he previously didn't approve of!