test drive the john muse

[pranksterkind]

[in this post, you are allowed to be amnesiac and John will just make sad/confused faces at you for a bit.]

Comments

[crusthatecean]

What's wrong with Drew Barrymore?

[scratched]

Quirky, brain-challenged blonde has been done to death, that particular horse has been pulverized, bro, and single-handedly beaten back from a viscous pile into a meaty horse-shaped lump with the whipping hand of Miss Barrymore herself.

Also, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle.

[crusthatecean]

Sometimes she's a redhead, fuckstain. And troll Drew Barrymore is neither.

Anyway, I see your Charlie's Angels and raise you The Wedding Singer. Even for a human film, you have to admit it's extremely great.

[scratched]

By the standards of Romantic Comedy, it's not quite the post-Taco Bell shit smeared along the inside of the john with the rest of them - joke intentional, by the way - but that's like saying one anal enema went smoother than the rest. They all bend you over and shove their fat Hollywood dicks up your chute while slathering the same tired plot at you night after night, but you take it anyway because you've been conditioned by the entertainment industry to consider their mouth-breathing dribble "humor."

Also one not self-castration worthy movie does not excuse two Charlie's Angels movies, it's simple fucking math.

[crusthatecean]

[Shaking with rage you didn't]

I wouldn't expect you to understand. Just because a movie doesn't have any Starkys or Hutches or awesome bros doing sweet half pipes back to the future or Tokyo drifting, and therefore your drooling sponge can't concentrate on it for longer than five seconds at a time, doesn't mean it doesn't have cinematic value.

Listen, asshole, if romantic comedies have similar plots it's only because they are examining the universality of longing for romantic fulfillment and the way destiny shapes the path of the lives of even the most ordinary (yet charming) protagonists. And I'm sorry the humor is too subtle for you since no one is getting kicked upside the bone bulge!

[scratched]

You are seriously riding the crazy train to Loonyville right now if you're projecting that hard onto the Sarah Jessica Parkers and Jennifer Anistons of the multiverse. This is Houston to Vantas, no one in real life would find that quirky airquote charming end airquote shit adorable, you'd get your ass dumped for a sane, rational, totally undestined dude that doesn't put up with bullshit like that.

Anyway, you're completely missing the point. The whole point was that as much as he wishes with his tiny little boy heart, John will never be the Adam Sandler to my hot, blonde, yet amnesiac ass.