test drive the john muse

[pranksterkind]

[in this post, you are allowed to be amnesiac and John will just make sad/confused faces at you for a bit.]

Comments

[pranksterkind]

Dave, have you been seeing other Johns? I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to take this. Of course I'm John! I'm just not sure what the John means. Unless you mean, like, the toilet. Then no, no way in hell.

[scratched]

What? No. A dude saves his John-cherry for for weeks and the instant any old possible impostor pops up and starts slinging cheating accusations his way, he's just supposed to lie down and take his word for it? I don't just accept any Moe, Dick or Harry waltzing up and claiming to be my best friend, you know. This is seriously important shit.

[pranksterkind]

Well, then as the only person here with a fully certifiable, anmesia-less memory, you can trust me when I say I'm John!

[scratched]

Kind of for me to decide, chumpass. How do I know you aren't just trying to woo my ass so you can kidnap me and keep me on a boat with a VCR as my only proof of who or where I am?

[pranksterkind]

I said I wasn't Adam Sandler.

For one, I'd make you watch Ghost Buster's and Con Air.

[scratched]

If this is blackmail, fine, I acquiesce if only to spare myself having to make a noose out of my cape out of desperation to escape that 4 hours of hell.

[pranksterkind]

Hehehe... No, your fate is sealed because you forgot me. I don't have a choice any more. I have to prove my John-ness to you!

[scratched]

I have the choice to just walk away now. Consider your offer carefully.

[pranksterkind]

Don't be an asshole about it. Come on, it could be fun! And it's better than a creepy movie recounting our lives together.

[scratched]

I'm being positively polite about this, I'm sparing you a torrential downpour of bile directed at those heaping turds of cinematic fuckupery and giving you the chance to backpedal into safer territory, and yet you continue to nip at the ankles of Stranger Danger like the world's dumbest terrier.

At least pick a halfway quality movie.

[pranksterkind]

Hey! I take offense to that! We're not strangers, even if you were dumb and forgot me.

And second, they're cinematically amazing. I don't know anyone that isn't moved when Nic Cage reunites with his wife and daughter at the end.

I know I cry every time!

[scratched]

You want loving reunions that'll bring you to tears? Homeward Bound. You want Nic Cage in a sweaty wifebeater? Raising Arizona. You want fucking idiotic puns and more John Malkovich than your sensitive stomach can handle? Being John Malkovich.

Except we are sure as hell not watching that last one. Ever.

[pranksterkind]

... I didn't even know you'd watched those movies.

It's like I don't even know you.

[scratched]

I don't remember much, but I do remember my loving parents, Cable and dear sweet World Wide Web.

[pranksterkind]

Okay.

Compromise time.

Armageddon. No one can resist Liv Tyler.

[scratched]

I get to riff all I want and the popcorn stays in my lap so I have majority share.

[pranksterkind]

Yes to riffing, no to the popcorn. It's time you learned to share!

[scratched]

Fine--





. . . What the hell just happened here.

[pranksterkind]

What do you mean what just happened here? We compromised! And were true to ourselves.

[crusthatecean]

And it wasn't creepy.

They love each other, fucknuts. Their love is strong enough to overcome her amnesia. But I wouldn't expect you to understand or have even the tiniest modicum of taste.

[pranksterkind]

The movie was okay. But it was still kind of creepy.

[crusthatecean]

It's a great movie. And nothing about it is creepy. She remembered him in her dreams.

[pranksterkind]

But she has to be reminded every day! Think of the strange situation she wakes up in every morning!

[... also watching you and Dave]

[crusthatecean]

[We are having a gentleman's disagreement.]

Did you even watch it? That was the whole point of the movie, dipshit! She could have continued being lied to every day and never having to cope with her memory loss and move past it! They thought she'd be happier like that! But it turned out love was fucking worth waking up in an awkward situation every morning, who would have guessed?

You disgust me, Egbert.

[pranksterkind]

But it was way more moving when Bruce Willis chose to die on a meteor in the middle of space so that his daughter could be happy and marry the man she loves, who he previously didn't approve of!